i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
i've created a new STD.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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