is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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