i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
