Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
if only i could text you this smell
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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