I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
