the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Found the puke drawer
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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