So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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