I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I wear drunk well.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
