My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
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I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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