Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
