oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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