id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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