just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
