it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
