So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
