pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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