Apparently you make a good broom.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
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