I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
