ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
