i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
