We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
