I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Randomize
