Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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