I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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