i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
