i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
