where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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