Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
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when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
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What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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