return my video game
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize