My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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