There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
