our cab driver is having phone sex.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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