hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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