if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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