the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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