The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
