Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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