best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
