Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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