if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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