remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
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I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
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Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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