i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
