And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
