My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
And then the night went full on bisexual.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
