I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize