Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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