I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Two words: nipple clamps
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