Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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