Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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