honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
