When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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