he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
