he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
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I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
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Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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