the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
