Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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