apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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