He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
