I need help removing her.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
