You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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